December is here!


I've always loved this last month of the year even though I lost my Dad on Christmas.

We've made so many wonderful memories before then and after too. I think it's what we should always keep in mind in times of sadness and grief: whatever happens, there will always be good memories to make out of every situation, even though it's very hard to see them at the time.

This year is not ending the way it was supposed to but I guess I'll just have to face it and make the best out of it: my grandpa is very very sick and we don't know what's going to happen today or tomorrow or a week from now. It's so hard to hear my Mom cry on the phone and not being able to do anything to soothe her pain.

I'm ever so grateful to have Peter around, he helps me get through this through his own experience. I love him even more everyday for all the support he's shown lately. It must be difficult on him to relive all this and I'm positive we'll get through it all, together and will become stronger as a couple.


Fall has been pretty quick to leave this year. I haven't had the time to take pictures of all the changing colours. Mrs Rain and Mr Wind have taken a vow to get all the leaves down even if they were not ready just yet.


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This year has flown by at a tempo I wasn't ready to live, I can't believe that the Holidays are just around the corner and that the city is already putting up the decorations. I might go soon to have a look at how it's like in the evening.

Reminiscence of the year has started and I remember how I thought 2013 would be and how different it actually has been from what I wished or dreamt. I thought I'd be a mom; I thought all the building problems would be solved; I thought I'd be more organised and thrifty; I thought I'd go to the USA this year....

Even though those "wishes" didn't come true, I can say it was a good year, different, but good and that I have new goals for next year and I'll try my best to be a better person in all the things I'll be doing.
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Aujourd’hui j’ai eu un cours avec une famille très sympa : la maman, Carla et les deux filles Hannah et Linde. On a beaucoup rigolé et elles sont super !

Elles n’ont pas toutes les trois le même niveau mais je suis sûre que le groupe va bien marcher. Je suis contente qu’elles soient mes étudiantes et je vais vraiment faire mon possible pour qu’elle aient la meilleure expérience et qu’elles apprennent beaucoup.

Ensuite je suis allée voir Matthias pour son français : malgré le temps écoulé entre les deux leçons, ça va encore, je suis contente parce que je sais que ce n’est pas facile pour lui. On a regardé un peu ce qu’il voulait faire pendant les prochains cours et je vais lui donner quelque exercices. Je vais aussi acheter les livres qu’il doit lire pour les lire aussi et l’aider à faire des résumés et à comprendre.

Peter et moi avons mangé chez ses parents et sa mère avait préparé de la soupe de potiron et de la carbonade + pommes de terres et compote de pommes. C’était vachement bon, ma foi ! La soupe était vraiment succulente, je vais essayer de la refaire.
J’ai fait séché les serviettes chez eux mais la deuxième fournée n’était pas encore prête lorsqu’on devait partir. On la récupèrera samedi.

Le soir, Emi et moi sommes allées voir un film qui s’appelle The Spectacular Now : j’ai ADORÉ ! La jeune fille, Shailene Woodley est incroyablement adorable ! J’espère bien la revoir dans d’autres films bientôt.


Je me suis levée en même temps que Peter pour pouvoir me préparer pour Lille. J’étais sur le balcon en train d’attendre que Peter sorte du garage lorsqu’il a ouvert la porte-fenêtre. C’était trop drôle ! Il avait oublié son badge. J’ai pu lui faire quelques bisous en plus.

J’ai d’abord manqué mon premier train parce que je m’y suis prise trop tard pour descendre de l’appart alors j’ai déplacer le RDV que j’avais pris au service clients de la FNAC pour mon appareil photo. Le gars m’a écouté mais on voyait qu’il n’en avait pas grand chose à faire. J’espère que la prochaine fois sera la bonne. En tout cas, ce sera la dernière.

J’ai encore dépensé une fortune à la FNAC. Je ne peux pas m’en empêcher, dès que je vois de jolis carnets, je dois en acheter. J’ai donc maintenant :

  • 3 agendas pour l’année 2014 (travail, personnel et quote),
  • 2 nouveaux jeu de 7 familles,
  • un calendrier mural ‘paroles d’enfants’,
  • un nouveau livre pour enfant ‘Pierre Lapin, petit facteur’,
  • des gommettes Barbapapa,
  • des autocollants à mettre dans mes agendas, 
J’ai également pris un calendrier mural pour Mam, j’espère que ça lui plaira. J’ai pris un jeu de 7 famille Barbapapa pour Louise et une carte avec un poney qui porte des lunettes pour féliciter Justine d’avoir enfin sa jument, Divine (pour novembre).

J’ai aussi reçu les deux derniers kinfolkCan’t wait to read them!

Je n’ai eu qu’un cours d’aujourd’hui avec Bram F., ce n’est pas un cours facile parce qu’il a du mal à parler correctement, je soupçonne qu’il n’aime pas trop le français, mais je suis heureuse de le voir motivé, même si quand il fait des fautes, ça le déprime un peu.

J’ai discuté avec Nicolas et Nathalie pendant qu’ils fumaient leur cigarette. Puis Emi est arrivée et je l’ai persuadé de venir manger à la maison. YOUPI !

J’ai fait les courses à Delhaize et j’ai discuté avec Sarah, la proprio de Céleste. Puis je suis rentrée et Peter était à la maison. Le pauvre a mis 1h40 pour arriver au travail ce matin, c’est vraiment nul et fatiguant !

J’ai ouvert les kinfolk ! Je suis vraiment contente de les avoir enfin. Il faudra que je les lise vraiment, pas comme les autres (que j’ai reçu en même temps).

Emi est venue manger : ça faisait longtemps qu’elle n’était pas venue, ça m’a fait super plaisir. On a mangé un bon steak et des haricots verts et des pommes de terre. C’était bon.

Elle a eu la super idée de regarder ce qui passait au Film Fest Gent et on va voir un film ensemble (The spectacular now), 


un film avec Peter (Don Jon)


et je vais voir un film toute seule aussi (The Young and Prodigious T.S. Spivet).


Je voudrais en voir au moins deux autres (Casse-tête chinois et Starlet)




mais je voudrais d’abord voir l’emploi du temps de la semaine prochaine.

Nicolas a décidé de faire la fête toute la semaine et de se bourrer la gueule donc, parce que sa copine n’est pas là. Ça veut dire que je dois prendre ses cours. Ça ne me dérange pas mais lorsque ma soeur était là en Septembre et que j’avais bloqué des demi-journées et soirées, elles ont été débloquées sans me le dire, ni me demander quoi que ce soit et je ne trouve pas que ce soit juste et en plus ma raison était bien plus valable que la sienne (mais il fait ce qu’il veut de sa vie).


It was fun seeing this exposition in Brussels, though since it was so short, I think it is more for the pure amazement and amusement of children.
The animated dinosaurs looked so real and they were all made onto their actual real-life size. I think I would have been very very scared at that time on Earth, but it was fun discovering new dinosaurs and read about them too.
My favourite were the Ankylosaurus (neat little video) and the Protoceratops: they're so cute and funny looking…
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I can finally say I finished a project! Hooray!

My 30 days photography challenge of September 2011 is finally all up. The pictures were there, just not on my blog.

It feels good to have something that is completed for once. I think I should put more effort into finishing the projects I start because it's so rewarding.

I'm going to print the pictures and put them in a little album and write about each image. I'll post a few pictures then.


I'm in a small room, all white and bright. It looks very comfortable and cozy but it's completely empty. I'm happy, I don't quite know why but the happiness radiates all around me, it makes me smile a bright smile and makes my eyes sparkle. I open the small closet by the door and see a baby mobile and baby sheets. Why are baby stuff in the closet? I close it and leaves the room. On the other room -our bedroom, I go to our bed. On the white bed linen, there is a tiny naked baby. Oh, he's so chubby and cute! I take baby in my arms and got to the green sofa next to the door to the small room. He's so precious! I carefully put baby on the little pale blue blanket that lays on the sofa. He's so tiny! Baby is very sleepy, but he stirs and I help him wake up with caresses and kisses...

Ring, ring, ring!

Back to reality. I want to scream and shout and cry. No no no, I want to be with my baby! It was just a dream. Yet another one. So intense and so real, somehow.

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I've been lacking time and (somehow) motivation to update my blog lately.

Things aren't always going the way I want them to and it frustrates me. I think I live from day to day and often forgets that I started a few projects and never kinda finish them. I know I need to change my ways and priorities and I've started already (I am writing, yeah!).

This year has gone so quickly already and I can't believe we're almost in September. This is just totally crazy! Why is the time going faster as we grow older?

I'm going to continue updating this blog, putting past posts and updating it more regularly. I'm also going to start creating an online portfolio, maybe try for a website and I'm going to try to finish the projects I started all through the last three or four years.

It's a lot to do but if I take the time, I'll be able to finish by the end of this year and it'll be so rewarding and amazing. I just hope I won't lose faith and that I'll be strong enough for all that's awaiting me.


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I haven't been home since April and it's been way too long for my heart not to see my family and dear friends since then (thank goodness for Skype).

I can't wait to be there and enjoy the perfect weather and see all of these familiar faces I love so much. I can't wait to see the beautiful landscapes and hear the beautiful noises of the nature there. I can't wait to laugh and talk with all my siblings and nieces and friends. I can't wait to take pictures of my ever changing nieces and baby sister. I can't wait to shoot this imaginative and fun pregnant friend and create lovely memories.

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Home is such a beautiful word. 

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I was a little afraid of 31.
But not as much as 30!
It feels encouraging and promising, somehow.
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Of course I wish Peter was there with me because he's my favourite person in the whole world but all the other people around me made my day feel so fun and worth celebrating.
I asked my students and colleagues at work and my family in-law during dinner to write me a little note in a diary I brought and to take a picture with me, it was so much fun. I'm going to print all the photos and stick them next to their messages. I'm lucky to know people from all around the world and so messages in different languages.
At work, I brought little raspberry and nectarine pies and they were a success.
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Peter's parents surprised me: they were taking me to the restaurant and Peter's brother and his girlfriend were there too. It was so nice celebrating my birthday with them.
31 really feels nice and memorable. I hope more lovely surprises/changes are coming my way, I'm so ready for this year ahead!
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It's funny how different this year is from last year when I was so anxious to be turning 30. It feels so strange and yet so normal, it feels like ageing doesn't matter anymore and that life is just happening and I'm enjoying it.

I feel calm and happy and my thoughts are:
  • This is nothing, I've done it 30 times already!
  • My most favourite person is not going to be there with me and it makes me very sad but I'll get over it and I know he'll make up for it.
  • I'm going to celebrate it with strangers and colleagues and I think it's going to be pretty awesome to be surrounded by good people.
  • My in-laws are the best: they're taking me to a restaurant I've been wanting to go back for a little while.
  • What am I going to wear tomorrow?
  • Yeah, I can sleep in a bit!
I do feel a little sad because Peter is away but I can't wait to see him and celebrate my birthday with him. He already got me a beautiful beeeautiful bouquet, I'm the luckiest!

Also a very, very happy birthday to my wonderful friend, Emily! I love you!

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I called the doctor today because she planned an appointment but the timing isn't good.
I stopped the glucophage medicine this weekend because it makes me sick and I don't want to take too many medicine and jinx our chances but she said to continue it until we know for sure that I'm pregnant. I think it's a bit ridiculous, especially because it makes me sick but she's the doctor.

So I took the medicine today and as I suspected I feel like throwing up and my stomach is really upset. I got sickly and had to take a shower to calm me down.

I don't feel like eating, I feel tired and a bit stressed. I'm drinking a lot of water and try to relax a bit but I have to do so many things... I think I'll just do a few today and the rest tomorrow. I don't want to go to work tonight but I need to work and get out of the house.

I'm not sure if those could be also symptoms and I don't want to draw conclusions but I hope this medecine is harmful if I'm pregnant. I've never like taking medecine and I believe that the less you take, the healthier you are.

I need to focus on something different until then. I need to reorganise the office, it's quite some work but it'll feel so much better after I'm done. Organisation is a key to peace of mind!

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I had a blood test yesterday to see if the clomid + glucophage helped this time around.
I was supposed to ovulate then. Unfortunately I couldn't get hold of the doctor to have the results and had to wait until today to know.

*drum rolls*

I did it! I'm ovulating! And oh boy, it's uncomfortable and a little painful. But I knew this from my first ovulation, a year ago (exactly, what a coincidence!).

I'm over the moon. I know it doesn't mean I'm pregnant but it means it worked and that I don't have to go through surgery just now. I got over-excited when the doctor told me on the phone. I heard her smile (I know it's weird, but I definitely "felt" it somehow) when I said super a few times. I like that she always says bonne chance (good luck), every time we have a good result.

I called BabyLuv as soon as I put the phone down. He didn't pick up but he just called me and I got all excited again, telling him the news. Maybe his birthday wish to have a little us will come true. Oh gosh, I hope so. I could hear he was ecstatic too, oh his smile, his beautiful smile. Can't wait to give him a big long hug tonight when we get back from work.

Now let's keep our fingers crossed! (and eat properly and move.)

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The sun has finally decided to join us!
Ok we're almost in June, but better late than never, don't you think?

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I can't wait for barbecues, picnics and bike rides.
I can't wait for our Summer vacations and seeing my nieces.
I can't wait for Ghent festivities and drinking something on the pubs' terrasse.
I can't wait for dinner à deux on our balcony and long evening walks.
Oh and birthdays...


Two weeks ago, in the spurge of a moment, Peter and I decided to go on a ride bike before doing the grocery shopping. What an adventure it was, we found a new lovely park (that we actually knew but never thought it was that huge) and met friendly sheep.

Today we did the same thing because we really wanted to enjoy the good weather while it was lasted and met a family duck (they were really funny).

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more pictures to come

Aaand we met the sheep and their owner as well. My goodness, these sheep are totally amazing! We probably stayed with them for about half an hour, cuddling and scrubbing the back of the friendliest one. So much love going on there! I love seeing animals and sheep are some of the kindest ones. It makes me miss living in the countryside but if I get to see them every week, I'll be the happiest city girl!

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those wildest ones scrubbed their back on the benches and trash can, so funny
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We finally got ourself a pet.
We went to the market yesterday morning and I fell in love with a tiny little brown and white-spotted guinea pig. There were two different kinds but this one got all my attention. It was so sweet with its little spot on the head and it was friendly and calm.

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Maybe too calm for its own good: unfortunately, it wasn't well and passed away during the night. We only had it for a day. We're very sad and were already very attached because it was the cutest little guinea pig. We might get another one next week at the same market but this time, I'll ask a bit more about where they come from.
We introduced it to Mémée Rosa (who wasn't a big fan because she thought it was a rat) and we played with it. I put it in Peter's parents garden for a little while but it didn't move so much there. It was probably already sick. I don't know. I only know that we didn't give it any bad food to eat (I checked).
It's so sad to see a little life go away like this. I hope it knew we already loved it.
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Lately I've been rushing through my thoughts and my chores and gone to work and back home and I haven't taken the time to just stop for a minute and enjoy the moment. I've been feeling like everything around me was a constant rush to do urgent stuff and that I needed to keep my mind busy to be sure not to fall into sad thoughts.
I've just watched this video where Ellen talks about a snail and it hit home. I'm grateful for her words and for all the good and positive attitude she shows towards her public. I'm grateful I took the time to watch this video and that it made me slow down, even for a little moment.


Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and moms-to-be out there!

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Here is Belgium, we celebrate Mother's Day the same day as in the US.
We went to Peter's parents and the weather was very very lovely. Since I had my swimming lesson during lunch time, we couldn't go to the restaurant with them but they brought some take-away and it was so delicious (eels + fries).

Peter's mom was happy to see us and we gave her a lovely big orchid and a card + card for her retirement. I also had some keychain made with our picture on it and we told her it was for their new house. She was very happy.

She bought two cakes and the strawberry one was so beautiful. I didn't get to eat any because I was too full from lunch but had a little piece of the rice pudding one.
We also saw the grandmas and we went to see the new house so that they could see how and where it was. Mémée Rosa was a bit confused but I guess it's normal as her age. Mémée Alphonsa thought it was way to big (which is true but it's great if they want to organise family gatherings there).

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Peter's mom and her mom at the new house


I went to the gynecologist yesterday.

Apparently, I'm being resistant to the Clomid. It happens when you have PCOS: my ovaries wall became harder and thicker and it means the follicles can't get out. We saw them, they're numerous, waiting patiently...

I haven't had my period since early March. I'm not complaining, but it usually means that there's something wrong so it never reassures me when they don't come.

She gave me something to first get my periods before starting on Clomid again, this time a bit stronger.
She also told me that if that didn't work, I'll have to have an operation to make little holes in the wall of the ovaries to help the follicles come out. Just thinking about it gives me the chills. I don't like going to the hospital. But, it's not for now and we're just hoping that the Clomid will have an effect this time around. She also prescribeGlucophage to help the Clomid work, she says it's usually for diabetic people but combined, it helped the Clomid action on the ovulation.

I also told the doctor that I'm going to see a nutritionist to help me with my weight problems. For three weeks now, I've been writing everything that I've been eating and I realised I've been snacking when I felt sad or alone or upset and this can't continue. Now I always have a bottle of water nearby and if I feel like snaking, I just drink some water or don't eat anything because of guilt. It's still in process but I think I'm getting there. Drinking water is something I've haven't done properly lately either. I use to drink a bottle a day (1L) and now I drink almost only during meals (not always water but ice-tea, juice, lactose-free milk). And I need to be more careful too.

I'm also going to swimming lessons since late March, will hopefully go twice a week (if I don't get bad reactions from the chlore...). P. and I tried to go play badminton again, but failed the last few weeks. I hope we'll go again tomorrow, if they're open or next week.
P. took me bike riding and I loved it so we'll try to do that during the weekend.
I think these three activities are enough since I'm out of shape and my physical condition is very poor.

I'm trying to stay positive and optimistic. It's not easy but I think writing will help a lot.

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On Monday, I watched this movie.
The story is about a woman who loses her only child because of Malaria. She meets another mother who lost her child to it too. It's their battle against the first killer disease in the world.


I couldn't stop crying for a little while. You feel so powerless and so deceived and I think it can only take some great courage to try and fight this f*cking disease. The situation is bad. Malaria is a killer. I can't believe so many people (mostly children) die because of those stupid mosquitos. I've never like mosquitos before but now I sure do hate them. I knew it was bad but I didn't realize how bad.

"What a mother without a child can actually do."
"We spend every minute of our lives obsessed or angry about things that don't matter at all when I just stood in a room where children are allowed to die of a mosquito bite..."
"I'm not a politician. And I'm not gonna change the world. I'm just a Mom."

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