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Sous un Ciel en Couleurs

I went to the gynecologist yesterday.

Apparently, I'm being resistant to the Clomid. It happens when you have PCOS: my ovaries wall became harder and thicker and it means the follicles can't get out. We saw them, they're numerous, waiting patiently...

I haven't had my period since early March. I'm not complaining, but it usually means that there's something wrong so it never reassures me when they don't come.

She gave me something to first get my periods before starting on Clomid again, this time a bit stronger.
She also told me that if that didn't work, I'll have to have an operation to make little holes in the wall of the ovaries to help the follicles come out. Just thinking about it gives me the chills. I don't like going to the hospital. But, it's not for now and we're just hoping that the Clomid will have an effect this time around. She also prescribed Glucophage to help the Clomid work, she says it's usually for diabetic people but combined, it helped the Clomid action on the ovulation.

I also told the doctor that I'm going to see a nutritionist to help me with my weight problems. For three weeks now, I've been writing everything that I've been eating and I realised I've been snacking when I felt sad or alone or upset and this can't continue. Now I always have a bottle of water nearby and if I feel like snaking, I just drink some water or don't eat anything because of guilt. It's still in process but I think I'm getting there. Drinking water is something I've haven't done properly lately either. I use to drink a bottle a day (1L) and now I drink almost only during meals (not always water but ice-tea, juice, lactose-free milk). And I need to be more careful too.

I'm also going to swimming lessons since late March, will hopefully go twice a week (if I don't get bad reactions from the chlore...). P. and I tried to go play badminton again, but failed the last few weeks. I hope we'll go again tomorrow, if they're open or next week.
P. took me bike riding and I loved it so we'll try to do that during the weekend.
I think these three activities are enough since I'm out of shape and my physical condition is very poor.

I'm trying to stay positive and optimistic. It's not easy but I think writing will help a lot.

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I still can't quite believe I rode a bike for 19 kms. It feels more like mission impossible to me than anything else. But I did it. We did it! P. was such a great supporter and so patient even though I could tell he wanted to just go and enjoy the ride.

I think this marks the changes I was trying to have since I turned 30 last July. I'm finally trying and actually doing something to see a real change.
I've been going to the swimming pool with my friend, Jolein, but it's been on and off because the lessons were not planned every week.

I hope this journey will bring even more great moments and that I'll be able to say, I LOST weight. I can't wait, I'll feel amazing and I'll be the happiest.

19kms

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Tonight was especially good: we were all alone, that was AWESOME! That's when I let go and act ridiculous no matter what. I love letting go, it's so liberating and de-stressing.
At first we just went slowly because we were both pretty worn out by our days. And then we started playing really bad and I couldn't stop laughing. We were so tired!
And suddenly I found myself jumping all over to the music, dancing like crazy, moving around as fast as I could to get the shuttlecock. That was A-MA-ZING! It made me sweat like crazy and I finally felt like I was really working out.
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I really think I'm on the right track. Beyond any doubt, this is what will make me feel good again. I just needed to really let go and be confident that it'll all work out.
This kick of energy really boosted my confidence that I can move this body of mine and shape it the way I want it to be.
I got very inspired by my friend Em and I owe her for this. She post positive thoughts on her blog which keep reminding myself that I can do it too. Thank you, Em.
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Je me suis poussée à retourner au zumba aujourd'hui et ça m'a fait un bien fou ! Je ne comprends pas pourquoi je n'y suis pas allée plus tôt parce que je sais pertinemment que c'est pour mon bien.
J'espère réussir à tenir cette fois, j'espère me pousser plus souvent à faire des choses, c'est peut-être la solution pour le trouver des copines ici.

En parlant de ça, c'est notre thème pour Carnaval, on va être belles ! haha

Bonne nuit!
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J'ai décidé de me reprendre en main. Je dois vraiment perdre du poids, cela devient catastrophique. Non, je n'exagère pas. J'ai vraiment peur de ne plus pouvoir revenir en arrière si je ne reprend pas le contrôle. Les kilos perdus sont repris et je suis tellement déçue par mon attitude que j'en fait des cauchemars la nuit.

En plus, je voudrais vraiment me sentir mieux dans ma peau, ce qui n'est plus le cas depuis quelques années déjà et c'est encore plus violent maintenant : je me fais des grimaces dès que je croise mon regard (ou mon corps) dans le miroir. Je ne me supporte plus, je suis toujours sur la défensive. Ça ne peut plus durer.
Il n'y a pas que ça non plus. C'est mon plus gros problème actuel mais il y a aussi le fait que je passe des heures sur l'ordinateur : BabyLuv en devient "fou" et me le reproche gentiment et pareil, je suis sur la défensive parce que je sais qu'il a raison et que du coup ça m'énerve moi-même parce qu'il le remarque avant moi.
Donc, j'ai décidé de faire un planning pour chaque semaine. Il va falloir que je m'y tienne et ça va être très difficile, mais je sais que BabyLuv va m'aider et à deux, c'est toujours plus sympa. Il faut encore que je le fasse mais comme aujourd'hui je n'ai qu'un élève, je vais pouvoir m'en occuper.

p.s. je vais aussi essayer d'être plus présente sur mon blog, comme avant... J'aime écrire ici...
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Enfin quelque chose de positif !

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About me

Frenchie Mom living in Belgium with my lover and our two littles.

I love reading, writing, photography and being inspired, especially by these wonderful people: The Bucket List Family and The Hobbs Farm, P!nk and Stereophonics, Julia Roberts and Emma Stone, Michelle of DanceyPantsDisco and Lindsey Pemberton.

I strive for the beauty you find in Mother Nature, the comfort you find in good food and the fun you find in travelling around the world.

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