Not only was it wonderful and lovely, it was one of the best days that I got the chance to spend with my best friend getting married. They were both so beautiful. It was very romantic and joyful. I'll remember this happy day forever.

JOYEUX PREMIER ANNIVERSAIRE DE MARIAGE JULIE & JULIEN !

Tous mes meilleurs voeux de bonheur cotonné !

Que les années à venir soient aussi délicieuses et jolies que cette journée de votre amour partagé !

Je vous aime fort !

Is it the same all over again for you too? Each year, I have to stop watching what I'm watching because BabyLuv wants to see Le Tour or the reviews. I know he loves it but the tour lasts way too long for me. I've decided to read instead, which is great. But I just get fed up with all the talks, the interviews, the marketing around it. I'm French, I sure know how it is.

On the other side, I do love it when BabyLuv is cheering for his favorites and when he wants me to cuddle next to him while he watches the review at night. I love that he goes cycling when the weather is in our favor (which hasn't been lately...) and when I mimic the voices and accents of the people, his laugh makes me want to do more until it's kinda ridicule.
I'm just glad it's almost over and that we're going on vacation where I hope we won't have a tv...

The doubts have started again.
Accompanied with nightmares. Vivid nightmary memories that come up in the least unexpected times.

I'm getting scared that I might not be a good mother. That I could hurt any child that can be mine.

I have doubts about my own abilities to do the right thing and make my child happy. I have doubts about how I could handle any difficult situation. I have doubts about my sanity.

I don't quite understand this stage but what I know is that I'm restraining myself with doubts and that I can't continue thinking this way.

I have a hard time accepting the fact that I'm turning 30 tomorrow.

30. Thirty. 3...

But, wait! Have I really been living for 30 whole years? Where did the time go? When did this happen? Where has my childhood gone? My teenage years? Am I really an adult now? What does this even mean? Why do I feel that I'm not really going to be 30 tomorrow? 

At the same time, I have this huge burden on my shoulders pushing me to let go of my past and move on in adulthood. I don't want to. I'm not ready just yet!

What happens after you turn 30? Does the world change? Does my world change?

Changes? More grey hair? More scared? More frustrated? More stress? More love? More work? More awareness? Less happiness? Less energy? Less fortunate? Less adventures?

Gosh. I feel so lonely right now. I feel like the world is spinning and I can't do anything to stop it. I feel like crying. I feel like throwing a thumper tantrum. I feel like I wasted so much of this precious time already. I feel like I won't be able to continue if I don't let go of all the bad memories that keep coming back lately.

I hate growing up. I don't want to be an adult with all the worries and the fears that I'm already starting to feel. Why do we get more worried? Why are we more scared? Why are we afraid of? What am I afraid of? What am I afraid of? What am I afraid of?

Today I'm moaning and questioning. But I've decided that it'll be the only time: I don't care if I cry, I don't care if it hurts, I have to make the best of it and just live. For this adulthood, I've decided to take charge and make the best of it. I need this for my family and friends but mostly for me. I need to think of me. I need to get better. I need to take care of what is wrong and make it right again. And then, I'm sure the rest will follow and I'll just have to go with the flow.

Here's to the best adulthood I can ask for! ♥

It's funny because I've never been a huge fan of strawberries but since I take pictures of my food, I love them!

I'm not going to eat them everyday but I know they're on my yummy list now. And since I'm having allergic reactions to almost all of my favorites fruits, I won't say no to one I'm not allergic to. I just wish they'd stop using all those bad products on food, it's not healthy at all.

I'm thinking about growing my own vegetables but I need to find a piece of land/garden where I could do that. My Mom is an expert at gardening and she has a huge garden filled with beautiful flowers and lots of fruits and vegetables (zucchinis, spinach, carrots, tomatoes, salads, radishes, strawberries, cherries, quinces, etc.). I'm not as good as her and I think my big sis' got that talent from her as well, but I guess that if I put my mind really into it, it'll work out.
I should maybe start with a few easy vegetables and herbs on my balcony. I'm pretty sure I could grow carrots and radishes easily. I need to put that on my to-do list for next year because I know now is too late to start planting now.

Today was a good day.

BabyLuv and I went shopping during the sales which is something we do once or maybe twice a year: he doesn't particularly like clothes shopping and neither do I. But we were happy to find a few things that we both liked (and for me, fitted).

FOR BABYLUV


FOR ME

I really like going shopping with BabyLuv when it doesn't take too long and when we go for a drink or a bite in between. We usually stay in the city the whole afternoon and then head back home and go somewhere to have dinner.
We didn't do that today because BabyLuv had to go to the hair-dresser in his hometown. Then we went to a bike shop and I found the perfect basket to put on my bike. It's so cute!

Last night I stayed up until 2:36am reading Catching Fire: this was intriguing and I was holding my breath with every new chapter. Today I finished the last chapters while we drove to BabyLuv's home town. I cried a lot, got angry and upset, furious and laughed a little: that's when I know that the book was good. All the emotions it conveys in me are really intense and beautiful. I'll write a review on the book later on.


Yes, today was a a good day. I love good days.

p.s. I bought a LifeProof case for my iPhone so I can take underwater pictures during our vacations.

I'm so happy with this new blog layout that I found on Pugly Pixel blog: it's so clear, simple in a great way and beautiful.

The CCS codes aren't an easy task for me but I can get by. I've worked on my photography blog layout for only a few hours because it was very easy and I wanted something very simple, but I've worked for this one for the past week and it's been exhausting and frustrating: I really knew what I wanted but couldn't find the right template/color/width/number of columns/layout/options, etc. I did see Katrina's free templates at the beginning of my search for the perfect layout because I'm following the talented artist, Rebekka Seale who uses one of the templates, but I wasn't totally sure that is what I wanted.

After attempting to change a few things that I didn't like on other templates, I finally decided to give it a shot and voilà! It was just what I needed with a few changes here and there. I'm still not 100% happy with the way the posts show (I want my pictures to be centered) but I'll get around to it (though I've been trying to find out where that comes from without any luck the whole day).

I'm so happy that I finally found a design that fits the mood/feelings I'm in lately: I was really not liking the other layout/colors anymore. Changes are positive when you put your heart into it.